Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ada itu budak ambil hati Hannah. Lah.

Hit me.

Ok I know that no matter how caught up I am with work am I ever allowed to sneak away from my urban reponsibilities as a 21st century (so-called) blogger.

This apology goes specifically to you, V.

But I have been stranded away into the seemingly innocuous pathway to careerhood! *gasp!* I've been weeerrrrrking.....and weeerrrrrrrrking.... n werrrrrrrrrrrrrrking.
It's ok, but I seriously miss my friends. Seriously seriously. Oh I miss you too girl. Very much so.
I shall now proceed to what is it that has been taking my lovely company away from you Vanessa Pareira. I'm in the clinic supposedly keying some foreign workers medical results in the website (HAH! I should be the one taking the test too) but whatever. Takpelah, Dr. Siva pays me to sleep, he should be paying me to blog too.


TUt TUt. Ok I WAS. Now I'm back home. Kept this post in 'drafts' earlier cuz the internet connection there sucks. Must be all the radiation from the modern drugs. *shrugs*

Haha. It's as though I've been miraculously blessed with Hiro's abilities. You can so do that on the internet. *nods head*..so cool..so cool..
Anyway a buncha things happened; I graduated *woot!* and my results were pretty ok. No, I'm not trying to sound stuck-up smart but I did expect worse. Haha. So yay to that. Graduated back in my homeland and was there in less than 24 hours till I got home to get to work the next day. Hop on and off a bus between two countries and you'd feel like a zombie. No, I don't like rushing off to Johor to catch the 11 o'clock bus at home. I was literally stoning in work the next day. Eyes were glazed and I was breathing so deeply I could've slept while filling up the med bottles.
I don't like having not enough sleep. How DO people go to clubs and off to work the next day?
It's just that there's fieldwork and the clinic job and production job with dad's company it's slowly eating out of me. So bear with me V.

And there's this other thing. Which...... well.......

It involves a guy.

Oh ok. I like somebody.

Who's in a realtionship. Already.

*_*

We're childhood (secondary 2?) friends. He used to fancy me for two years. I would say he'd come near obsessive but then I'd have to explain what he did to make me label him as that and if I don't you're all gonna think I'm some perasan nut but yes, he was obsessed. Just believe me lah.
But he's got a gf now. A long-time gf. Who cheated on him. Twice.
Which makes me so frustrated cuz he's stupid enough to take her back. He's a pussy. I told him so.

I like him. But I don't want him.

Does that make sense? Yes. Because there are a few things about him that's a complete no-no for Hannah. I just care for him I suppose. A lot. I'm a fussy mummy.
Sigh. He sends me to work early in the morning and picks me up. And we'd go around eat somewhere before he picks up his nephew from school.
Oh yes, you've got that right. It's a two way thing. And he ain't cheating cuz his girl knows he's meeting up with me.

And nooo she doesn't like it.

But oh, I met up with her when he bought lunch for me. It was awkward but of course I tried to make things light. She was clinging on to her bag like anything. It's as if I were to rampas him away from her that second. "Eh sayang, I'm not that low lar."

He admitted he still fancies me, dear reader (or to be more specific, Vanessa). But he's got someone else. And he's the 'trust in 'loyalty/love' kinda guy.
I want him to grow up and see the world.
I feel frustrated for him. He's this 'anak manja' dude and I can't stand guys who aren't able to say 'No' to a girl when necessary. I can't take men just giving in to the women around them all the time. It spells out 'weak'. And that is precisely what he is.

But he's learning. Lately :)

Yeah, I got a bit occupied with this, girl, besides my work. Never thought I'd find myself in this sorta situation but then again never say never kan.

I seriously HATE that line. I wanna stamp stamp stamp on it. Argh.

I never want to be the 3rd person under any circumstance, dear V. So I backed out.
We're not as comfortable around each other anymore (even when texting) cuz of all that stupid limitations we must account for, between two people who's got to know their limits. *tsk* I'm stupid enough to impose those limits.
But I respect their relationship so...well. No thanks to dumb ol' me for losing a nice, good, decent boy.

Oh but Shermaine says give time in the first few months. Like..loosen stuff a bit. And I agree. But she says take it by the horns after a while. Like nudge in a bit. He's got to make a decision. It's not fair for his gf either if he secretly has feelings for someone else. Kan?

I'm a bit confused in this part of my life but otherwise all's good :)

Miss you darling. Loads more stories to update you with. Hugs.

P.S: WILL do you tag, insya-Allah. Lol.

6 comments:

bloody awful poetry said...

Vanessa, The Reader.
I'm sorry I put you under so much pressure la, sayang. You always have the option of never taking me seriously, you know. I mean, when I say update, it's because I'm selfish : I get bored rereading my own stuff. But I'm sorrraaay =(

YAY! YOU GRADUATED! CONGRATULATIONS!

But you spelled my name wrong laaa..

Well no, it's not fair on the other girl to stay with this guy who has feelings for another. But you're talking to someone with ZERO romanteeek experience, apart from Jake-sessing, you know. Hahaha some people would say a guy who never says no to a woman is interested in self-preservation! But I see where you're coming from, yes.
Do you honestly WANT him though? I mean, how do you even know you're attracted to a guy beyond his physicality?

HannahLah said...

See point is, I'm not attracted to him physically. At all. Nien. None. Nada. Zero.

That's cuz he's got zero points when it comes to looks.

No, he's not hot. Or even remotely close to good-looking.

He's the average of the averagest if u must, and some would put below average.

But he's really nice. And sincere. And honest. Beradab. Pandai ambil hati org tua. (My mum loves him already without meeting him-yet) She just knnows he used to be crazy over me back then and we're starting to keep in touch now.

Do i WANT him? No. Maybe not yet. I just like him.

But that doesn't mean I like seeing him with her. I probably wouldn't mind if he's with someone nice you know. I can't help not liking/respecting a girl who's been cheating around all her life. (She did it to her ex too, apparently)But oh well, there must be SOMETHING in her for him to hv fallen for her so I'm trying to 'accept' her. For his sake.
Isn't that pathetic?
Tsk.

Anonymous said...

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love u !

bloody awful poetry said...

Aaah well if he can be attractive despite his total lack of physicality, then his personality must be SUMTING eh?
Oh so basically you don't think she deserves him? And/or he deserves better than her? (and he sounds like he does).

And Julia loves you, apparently.

HannahLah said...

Apparently, yeah.

I don't know her personally, and who the bloody hell am I to judge someone I just met but hello holla, you don't need to be martha stewart to know a good girl doesn't cheat on her boyfriend. Twice.

So of course I think he deserves better. Not me, technically just someone better.

I've decided to back off anyway. No good done butting in.

HannahLah said...

oh HI JULIA!! :D