Lately..

It's so weird how Bette Midler can have such a powerful voice while singing but a total chipmunky kinda voice when talking.

Well then. It's been a hectic week. Convent's sports day was yesterday and everyone was like, "Wah, so semangat wan-2 years ago seniors." Alah kalau I tak ajar cheerleading taklah tunjuk batang hidung I kat stadium tu.

Lol.

Had dinner with San in Nando's then.

And the night before...went to Bukit Tinggi with San again for last min cheerleading practise. Then mamak before sending her orf home.

And before that. Well. Nightly cheerleading practises.

My Girls. Some of them.

Then pizza with Waipz and her bro.

I'm listening to Mariah's "Thank God I Found You". Classic man. She's got a very the good voice.

Oh yeah it was Sammie's brithday last week in this Jap restaurant and I bumped in this bunch on ppl I haven't seen for 6 frickin years! Like Mona! And my Ex-maths partner-Keangston. He loves doing that dong dong face. Of course, with the balloons.

I miss masa dulu2.

I really do.

Times where kakak and I will be berdueting songs together. When we make up our own fashion show for nenek or Cik Sah cuz we absolutely luuurve dressing up. Putting up a show for our parents. Like when it's papa's birthday or something the four of us would sing a single from The Corrs or something since then it was us 3 sisters and one bro kan. Just like The Corrs. Sigh.

Skarang dah besar and when you start knowing everything its like not so nice anymore.

It's such an easy life to be young and naive and your world revolves around Mat Yoyo, Barney and Sesame St. When you're constantly in awe at that water bottle that has a 'popping cap' when you push a button behind. Or the Baby-G watches that goes bling-ling, the mountain bikes. When Aishah was still popular..the Scorpions and the songs practically meleleh-ing with jiwangness that you'd cringe and scream for nenek to off the radio.

The HARI RAYA songs don't change though :) Balik Sgp during Raya je it's like the same as ten years ago. We'd still rebus our ketupat and lepat(s) bawah blok.

The only thing different thing is that we'd masak in a smaller kawah cuz semua dah besar kan dah tak makan banyak lah. It's either that or the kawahs look a whole lot bigger back then.

We'd use the cadars and blankets and build a 'castle' or 'fort' with the dining chairs and table. :) So syiok. Playground in Pasir Ris. You know I should really dig up some old pictures and post it up here. Reminisce itu zaman budak2 Ribena.

I had a good childhood. Quite, quite good.

Sometimes knowing less brings more justice to you kan. Haha. Buat bodoh je lah.
Then everything also simpler.

Ooh, I bumped into Harpreet yesterday. Yesh, itu Harpreet tuition dulu! It was *GASP!Gasp!* moment for me cuz I couldn't recognise him. Of all the places in front of the post office. He was staring with his mulut ternganga and I just thought he was some loony bin when he followed us- And he just exclaimed, "Are you Hannah?"

And I was just, "Yeah, who are YOU?"

"You cannot recognise me ah?"

*silence*. I was scrutinizing his face. BLue contact lenses?! And that's where I saw it. The mulut ternganga part. LOL.

"OMG HARPREET!"

Well of COURSE I couldn't recognise him. He took off his turban and cut his hair! Man he looked HOT. Despite his freaky blue contacts which I couldn't get over. Sheesh.

Apparently when we were messaging that night he reminded me that his eyes are naturally that colour. And I'm like, Oh yeah. It was this lovely greenish brownish in the room but I guess when it got under the sun it's like blue. And San was like, NOW he's hot!

HUAhuahua. I'm meeting up with him this Sunday. Apparently he's got loadsa chicks after him. HAHAH. And I'm like yeah, dulu all tak pandang now only Mr. Hot Stuff. But he's still as blur case as ever and the mulut ternganga effect just enhances it better :P

Whee.. Janice if you're reading this then I'll say hi to him for you!

Oh and Aleesha. Your neighbour's hotter than the OTHER neighbour ;)

OI Barnessah-Itu fandom mau tunggu ah. I'm thinking Heroes. "BAHAHAHAH! Plagiarism!"

:) I Did It.

Something just hit me. I'm supposed to be sweeping the floor but instead I head towards the computer and here I am now. Blogging.

With the penyapu leaning on my thigh.

Dong dong.

You know what? Every step you take in life is history. The present is the past. And every single thing that you do is an experience. Every single bloody thing that you do is an opportunity to mold you into a wiser person; there's a glitch there however. It depends on how you look at it. On how you use that past experience of yours.

Oh shoot hang on. The phone's ringing.

Ah back. It's Koul. He's back from Sudan, starting his semester in UTP. My eardrums are still vibrating from listening to his voice. Man, he talks LOUD. And the phone was 5 inches away from my ear.

Lol ok, back to where we were. Yes let's see...let's see...

Ah yes. The past. It molds it's present. I don't know bout you guys but regardless of however terrible your past is, there's always a story behind it, a reason. It always happens for a reason. Sometimes you'd think when it goes so bad you can't take it anymore, ok this is so cliche and I'm gonna sound so Simple Plan-ish, "How could this happen to me?"

No, this isn't to all the weak people in the world. I dont believe in weak people, I believe everyone is strong somewhere in their heart. You're strong enough to survive in this world. You're only weak if you commit suicide. Which is, I hope, Never an option for you. You would just be awarded with another label. 'Stupid'. Hm. Not a good last impression.

This is just to everyone.

I was talking to 'this person that person' the other day about... my past (no, I am NOT embarassed to admit I was a weak, oppressed, depressed...person *splutters* back then) and damn he's right. It's up to me to decide whether it's the thrust of a blade or a mosquitoe bite.

But who are we to control that much of our feelings? One can only do so much to be strong, to put up that facade. We're only human kan.

At the end of the day, the worst beating I've got was from myself. Not from Him, or Her, or Them. My thoughts.

I know you're all in this 'it's easier said than done' mode. Kan? kan? kan? :)

I hate it when ppl say this but 'been there, done that' babeh. Hmm. Do I dare terminate my sense of pride and forsake embarassment, strip myself from that well-known ego Hannah has?

Yes.

Because I'm survivor in life. I'm 19 (almost) but I've done it and so can you.

I'm crippled in many ways (aren't we all?). My overzealousness IS a part of me yet somehow, I really don't know how, it is a way for me to cover up my 'crippled-ness'. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been a fake to you all these years, I'm really comfortable being the loud, boisterous drama queen I am, it is still me. It's just those darn complex psychology shits that's too much for us to capture in a tweeny mind, that's how I can't comprehend how it works. Besides being short-sighted (ahem), I have a weak heart.

Weak heart meaning:
My faith in God wasn't that strong until a few years ago.
I would care too much.
Trust too much.
Bother too much.
Love too much.
Believe too much.
And all that too much.

Nananana, not that the world is a lean, mean, gyrating machine. Even though it does feel like it sometimes but WHATever it is, it's not. There's hope however much you want to deny that.

I've been led, once upon a time, to the chronicles of 'love'. Oooooh yeah, lyuuurve ppl, did that capture your attention? I have cared for someone so so very the much I'd forsake everything to just put things right if anything were to go wrong. No, well actually it's not THAT bad but nearly, yes. I'd have to thank Mr Ego-fied for saving my ha-ass off from the clutches of oh-so-terrible testosteroned-packed X'ed DNA's.

No actually they're not bad. That moment was just the wrong place and time sorta thingy. Form 4. And I'd want to retain our friendship but unfortunately for me, I've been too much of a bitch back then. I still care for him though, I always will. A relationship is a serious thing, yes. You've cared, nurtured, loved and adored that man and vice-versa. You've shared feelings, whispered, not sweet nothings,mind you, but at that moment itself it felt like, 'whoa, top of the world' right? It's been there, that attachment, care. To stop it completely would be inadvertently unrealistic unless something really terribly unforgivable happened or it's just that you're still holding grudges. Or you're heartless. Let go. I have. I'm still talking to all of my ex's but one. He has yet to forgive me/let go. Sigh sigh. It was my fault, the whole damn thing. I'm admitting it.

But yes, been there done that kan.

Been there done that no.2.

I've faced hardships. I don't come from a filthy rich family but we were 'down-trodden' for awhile. It started out okay when we first moved here. Dad had a business, not going all that smoothly but we survived. Then September 11 'kedebang kedebush' and the business pun 'kedebang kedebush-lah'. Oh, we were pretty hard off. Not extremely baaad but..quite, quite *nods head*. No telephone for 6 months. I didn't have a mobile back then. Went to a private school in KL to make things worse (obviously we registered when thing were pretty ok). The family's business went bankrupt. Mom was teaching tuitions, flexible hours. Moved the business to Johor but we got cheated. (Those nasty nasty asses I tell you). The MPV kena tarik, we're left with the Wira. It was four of us sibs back then, Iman still up there. We scraped through but it was hard. It was hard for me and my elder sister as we were in our adolescent/teen period and hormone imbalances did NOT make anything better. We had expectations, schooling in KL was like, ugh for us among all those rich rich kids. Who's smart idea ah to put us in a praaayvate school?! (We moved to BK then Convent after that). So NO ppl, us being Singaporeans did not make our lives in Malaysia here better. In fact, it's harder cuz we're not qualified for loans or anything of that sort. I'm scraping that mentality off your heads.

That period went on for bout...3-4 years more or less. Whoa. That's long.

We're good now, alhamdullilah. We have Iman, and she's a real darling. She Did bring 'berkat' to our family. She's our happiness when we've got nothing to look forward to, when it feels like we're at the end of the road. Trust me, Pain is good. All those years putting up a face in school, being the 'new girl' twice, having to act like as if everything's alright in front of your peers is NOT easy. I get attached easily so you know, it's hard leaving old friends behind. I was a complete pessimist, THE pessimist if you must. It sucks because whenever I mention 'Singaporean' they all go 'Waaaaa.....' and I'm getting really good at having to surpress myself from rolling my eyes so often.

Haha. But I survived-we survived-and I'm proud of us. Papa has a new business for bout 2? years now and even I know how to work the stuff! :) Best part is, it's home-based and he's home all the time. We're a proper family now. He doesn't come back late anymore. He gets enough sleep. He actually listens to us when we tell him how school went instead of constantly worrying. Mama's more lovable to Papa! :D Faith, clarity, patience does preceed success. Just never lose hope in Him up there. He loves to test us.

Omg chope. I'm eating this honestly God-forbidding sinfully out-of-this world bun n it's soooooo good. Jap jap, I makan jap eh.

Ok anyway. Third and last... not exactly 'been there done that' thing but...it's an extremely, extremely bad experience..........*deep breaths Hannah*



I've been sexually harassed.





It didn't hurt that much anymore saying that now.

I was tortured with the feeling for a few months. Yep, not the memory. The damn feeling of it would come back, it's like happening there and then itself, how could I not go crazy? I had dreams that would led me to what would've happened if 'he' had more time. I'd cry in my sleep.. wake up clutching anything around me. My heart would jolt and crumble at the sight of a Savvy car. Even a person that looks like him can make me go nuts. Midnight calls to San, crying over the phone. The vision of it would creep up worse than that Ju-On boy. It was... there's no particular word to describe how I felt. At any time of the day, whether I'm sitting in the train or driving to Jusco, the feeling and the thought of it would come and I'd just stop and tear. It's not like it's controllable, I don't WANT it but there you go.

How, I thought, would I ever get through THIS?
It just seems so virtually impossible to me. It haunts you, this feeling. Your stomach sucks in all the breath and you gasp and gasp and your tears do but overflow.

It was far by the worst thing that happened to me.

I keep thinking that it may be karma you know, for all the bad things I've done before this but San said nooo. I would never know though; Allah controls everything. I've questioned His existence before in my most beguiling moments. I felt hopeless, I was weak. That's what weak ppl do. They give up on life and start acting. Actors, all of 'em.

You'd wonder how I could type this so freely for all to see. Its that I've let go, people. And I want to show you that there's still hope admist all the fucked-up situation surrounding us, or happening to us. Some bastard's not gonna stop me from living. It's time. I've broken down, crumbled to the ground, I've hurt enough. I've done all that crying, no more now. That was last year. I took up kickboxing to regain my nonexistent confidence (haha).

I know some people who would rather 'live in a lie with a happy outcome' rather than 'an honest life with an awful ending' (something like that lah). Well then these people are merely short-sighted. They don't see anything beyond life on temporary earth. I feel like snorting on their faces but that'd just be plain dumb and rude ainnit? *Shakes head* All that food in your mouth *points to mouth*, comes from Him *points up there*.

I'm a better person, stronger if I dare say so myself. However, who are we to say this is just all that we're going through? Who am I to say I won't break a leg or be mentally delusional later on? All those things up there that happened, deaths of my closed ones..all of those bad bad mean mean things that happened made me an even stronger person in life. I'm able to make decisions, be independant, help others. I just want you to know there is still hope. I have lots of friends who are living the world like its permanently Las Vegas and I'm telling you there's way more things waiting for you guys further up there.

"And the stupor of death will come in truth..." (Qur'an 50:19)

And if you do ever feel sad, do good to others. It's like a miracle cure. Trust me. You'll feel wonderful. There's nothing like forgetting our problems when looking at the ones worst-off than ours. To see them smile appreciatively at us is like, Wow.

'Your life is the product of your thoughts. The thoughts that you invest in will have an indelible effect upon your life, regardless of whether they are happy thoughts or miserable thoughts.'

So think happy thoughts and you'll live a happy life.

A poet said:
"Fear does not fill my heart before the occurence of that which is feared,
And I don't become overly distressed if that event does occur."

I'm happy and comfortable with who I am now. Experience have 'toughened up' my sense of 'streetsmart, Girl-power' attitude. I look back and I'm like, "Hello?! Who's that ding dong bell over there?" Take a look at the big picture. Being emotional ain't no help. Not permanently.

What is a break-up compared to the death of my childhood friend? What is being molested compared to those who are raped? I Thank God I've been tested with.. challenges that are still somehow 'mundane' enough for me to show my Faith in him, that I can cope with living in His world.

Never talk when you can nod,
Never stop when you can help and move on.

What would I be if none of the above happened? A wimp.
Experience is good. Pain is inevitable. We all go through it everyday. The difference among us is what we do when one of those Inevitable moments take a turn, a lurch, in our daily lives. What do you do?
I did it. God has tested me Emotionally, Physically, Mentally and I have no doubt that there's more to come. The break up (yes, it did hurt me; BAD), the hardships faced by my family, and the.... that lah. I did it :)

"The past is lost forever, and that which is hoped for is from the unseen, So all that you have is the present hour."

Don't find pleasure; it's temporary, it's worldly. Look for happiness; it lasts, it belongs to us. We have every right to claim it from Him. He's got it all up there ppl, all up there. Just have Faith and believe that NOTHING in this world can bring us down unless He permits it. Then you stand up again. Prove Him wrong. He'll love you for it.



OMG I HAVEN'T SAPU YET!

A Demon Alright.

What's beside my pillow: Don't Be Sad - 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni
A copy of Cleo 2005 Godknowswhen issue.

Nah, I'm not sad. Nor can I read Arabic. It's the translated version. Lol. Its just a book my mom got from Mecca and it's pretty good. Makes perfect sense about life and it's not a book just for muslims, it's for anyone who wants to achieve happiness and self-contentment in life. Letting go, because there's so many things other than being as-what-you-thought highly 'unfortunate' and having a crummy pissed-off attitude. It's not excessively full of that psychological nonsence like certain self-help books. It's got quotes and saying by muslims and non-muslims alike. For example:

"Do not be sad: overlook the action of others."

It's as easy as that isn't it.

Anyway I've watched 'Sweeny Todd: The Demon's Barber of Fleet Street.' I mean, of course I would, I'm an avid fan of musicals and c'mon, do NOT tell me Johnny Depp didn't catch your attention. However....a note to the faint-hearted: DON'T watch this unless you bask in the pleasures of watching Mr.T cut throats and witnessing torrents of blood shooting out like the fountains of KLCC. No, worse than that.
It's pretty sick, honestly. I was cowering on my seat; not sitting on the edge of it *hah!*. Caught the 11am show with my sis last Sunday and we reckon there won't be a crowd and there wasn't. I wish there were though, I wouldn't be the only one making loud 'EEEEEEEEEWWW's' , 'OuuuuuuMaaaaaaiiiiGaaaaawd THAT'S DIS-GUS-TING!' ,'Shit shit shit He's gonna do IT..... UUURGH!' and *GASP's!*

LOL. Apparently that's the part of 'musicals' I wasn't exposed to. I mean, I've seen and been to loadsa happy ones and maybe the occasional sad lower notes but not... Gruesome, gory.. inhumane.....urgh. Not everything you do makes you wanna burst in a random happy song, I've learned that from Mr. Sweeny Todd himself. *nods head*

I'll watch Edward Scissorshands anytime of the day, week, month, year, whatever.

Contrary to that, the show was perfect. Overwhelming, yes but it's a genius's work! The costumes, music, make-up, singing, the whole damn storyline was 'FUH' I tell you. Greatness. Johnny Depp IS the greatest actor of his generation! Best Picture (Musical or Comedy) from the Golden Globe Awards, don't miss it. So please do watch it if you can tahan that sorta thing. If you can't then you won't be able to appreciate it cuz it's gonna scare the shit outta you and you'd be busy pissing in your pants you can't quite able give it a rating. I'm like, on the line. And I'd like to read the book.

I like Helena Bonham Carter. And the Toby character. And the last shot of the movie, it totally gives you that whole eerie effect like 'vengeance..revenge at last!' yet 'awww' sad romantic sorta thing. Puurrrfect. Love it love it love it.

Snape and Peter Pettigrew's in it too! BAHAHAHa!

But I can't watch it anymore, no. *shudder*

I'll stick to Hairspray, Fame, Grease, Saturday Night Fever, Stomp.... I do want to watch 'Across the Universe' though. I heard it's gooood. Anybody ada itu DVD?

So the cheerleading's running on track, we've got a few pretty good moves. We practice in this cheerleader's house at night. Met Shah, nice dude. Wei Li came over to help too. HAHA. It was fun trying to overtake each other. I love making weird faces at her when I kat depan. Let the Volvo seep thru honeyh!

I'm SUCHA bad driver though I'm still surprised I haven't got a ticket. It's so wrong. It's like reversing Mona Fendi's death penalty. Even though she's dead already. *Shrugs*

Oh but it IS lovely to take a drive out early in the morning though. Sunday morning. Just don't pass Eng Ann market. Tak ke manalah you, satu hari tercegat tunggu orang reverse kereta.

Check out www.sweenytoddmovie.com.

"We're hip, we're fun, we're gonna get you.. So you better run!" *WINK*!

"Kau terriiiiiiindaaaaaaaaaah.....

Masiiiiiiiih aadaaaaaaaaa......

Yang tercantiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik........

Itu Kamu."

:D. Me absoluto LABB this song. Estranged-Itu Kamu. Schweet Mweet.

Anyway today's a good day even though nothing much happened but yeah, still good. Just took Iman for her shower and had to force her to wash her hair cuz she can be SUCH pest at times. And yeah well.. she wasn't the only one that came out wet. I was literally wrestling with her. She kept grabbing the gayong and the shower. And spraying water on me. NOT fun.

Went and watched Game Plan with San yesterday. It's an OK show, sweet and sad at some point.

I've been Bob Marleying, Estranged-ing, Lauren Hilling, Bette Midler-ing and The Shirelles-ing. And dancing.

Cuz it's fun. It's therapeutic. It's frees the mind and soul. What do you think I go to gym for? Dance laaah. And maybe purple dumbelling if Sal or Lynn forces us to. I don't use all those big big heavy machines... They scare me.

Anyway I'm contemplating on whether to teach Red House cheerleading since I've got a request to. MANA BOLEH. I Blue House tau dulu! *Pembelot*.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, it'll be a lot of fun to bully those girls. I'd be able to reminisce and alleviate my 'missing-ness' of school life. And I'd be able to dance.

I taught 'cheerleading' when I was Form 5. And we won. *bangga...bangga..*LOL :D. Tak pernah2 Blue House menang for cheerleading. I mean duh. We HAD to. I used a drum stick to hit those girls' legs (or butt) if they're not smiling or lifting their legs up properly. Or if they're late. And I'm just sooo proud of them even though they can appear to be the most gedik of all the gedikness. *shudder* Still. They're lovely though.

Oh yeah actually I told them to be extra gedik. Cause that the most important factor in cheerleading. Ah, it seems like yesterday when I was screaming at the to go, "GEDIK! GEDIK!! LAGI GEDIK!! XTRA GEDIK!!" during practise. Sigh. Good times..good times I tell you.

Cheerleading is SO lame, it's cool. The skirts, the gedikness, the menyampah-ess, the pre-trash talking on other teams, the backstabbing, the high ponytails, ribbons, pom-poms, the before and after euphoria of completing the formation, the smiles plastered on faces, the squeaky cheers, the bouncing feet, the make-up, the lost of freaking underwears and stockings 5 mins before the show and the final shouts.

I remember two years ago when I was pretty hard on my cheerleaders. Stayed back everyday. We had our laughs, really fun moments but straight up serious shyt when dancing. But girls will be girls you know..sometimes senior cakap pun tak dgr cuz they're too busy putting on their make-up or gossiping bout whoz going out with who.

So according to one of the girls, which I gave a really, really good telling off (well..actually I screamed at her face right before our performance because she was honestly being a pekak badak), she 'couldn't help' getting the smile off her face and being the Queen of Gedik at that particular moment cuz I was in her mind the whole time. HAHAHA. She was in the 'IN YOUR FACE' moment so yeah. Well. That worked out didn't it.

OK girls, time to fish out those drum sticks again! And the blue skirt. For Red House. Ooh, and don't forget those mighty POM-POMS! Woot! GO RED!!

And the ponytail goes bouncing away..

Oh wait. This ponytail came off. *strikes pose*

The Havoc on San's 19th....

What's beside my pillow: Yesterday's STAR publications

So it has been quite a week.

Condolences to Sidhartaan's family. Their 10 year old only boy died in a car accident in India
with his aunt. My mum's tuition student. 'Naughty' would be the perfect word to describe him, but you know....DAMN we just don't know when we're gonna go do we? It's so ironic how one's face lingers in ones mind once they're not here anymore. I can't get his huge teeth, big smile, thick glasses on a small head out of my mind. It's crazy. I can't quite know how to face his mum either, (she used to send me to school when I was in Convent back then) or his sisters which I had particularly gotten fond off. They're the happy family kind you know.

And condolences to Janice and her family. I never knew auntie was sick. Mum's friend who sends me off to school when I started Convent before they migrated to NZ. God. God God God.

And my prayers are always with Sheenee's mum. We all hope the cancer goes off away and alhamdullilah, it did. It came back. But insya-Allah, with all our doa's and prayers with her, and if God permits it, she'll be with us for as long as we hope.

So many deaths, it's waaay too much for me to handle. Right before my parents went off to their hajj in the airport itself, my mum got the news that her friend, ex-boyfriend to be exact, passed away. Uncle Nabil, a chinese convert who left Sgp and brought his whole family to New Zealand. It's like this whole wave of depression swept over my mind. They're all leaving. Young and Old. You never know.

Tells us that we've to live life to the fullest kan. Yet also that God can take it anytime He wants. Que is, when He does, are we ready to face Him, the Exalted?

I'll be honest with you. I'm not afraid to die. I know I'm not supposed to anyway and maybe it's because of my being adamant in believing what's right in Islam. In my religion there is nothing you should be afraid of, nothing you should fear of except Allah s.w.t. The thought of dying is....still neutral, still bland, not very vague though, if you know what I mean (which you don't). Like it's nothing. But I know I should. Because I'm not there there yet you know. Yes, I pray, yes I do read the Quran. Is it enough for a one way ticket to Syurga Firdaus, though? I haven't taken to donning the hijab yet, or better known as tudung. I don't drink. I've repented in things I shouldn't have done but are my repentance enough?

So very the many things to think of. Safe enough for me to say with confidence, my mind never stops thinking, cept when I'm asleep of course. Lol. Sigh...am I ready..am I ready...

But anyway, lets leave the inevitable behind for awhile and re-cap back on my week. It's pretty good despite the deaths. I mean, deaths happen everyday right and if we dwell on it we'd be on our toes in what we do every nano-second of the day and heck, that's mindjigglingboggling enough.

It was beloved SAN'S birthday last thurs (which was also our maal Hijrah 1429) so I wished her after maghrib on Wed which means it's our new year already which means it's already San's birthday :D. We gave her surprise; we, comprising of me, Shahman and Wei Li.

It's my first meeting Wei Li btw, she's a real darling I tell you. Sooooo nice. Like San said, If we were guys we'd fall in love with her already. HAHAHAHA. I swear only girls from girl's school think of stuff like this. It's crazy. And it scares Wei Li nuts off her boo boo. :P Don't you find it annoying? Haha. When I first came to convent I'll tell yuh the first week was absolutely hell for me. I though there were lesboz everywhere. Fortunately for me lah, they're just wired that way. To be extravagantly blunt in their thoughts and actions. And I ..well...'reinforced' my thoughts and actions too I suppose. :P

Well ANYWAY, (see, I got caught off guard again NOT saying what I was suppose to say), I sorta planned her 'surprise' in the last min. It was 3.30, probably, and Shahman was online so blah blah blah, told him to come over, dragged Wei Li along. I left the house at 6 cuz I had to mandi and parents were back with the car by then and picked Shahman up at Raja Mahadi and there was this whole commotion of that arse being late and me not having credit and having to patah balik to the shops and getting lost halfway and when we FINALLY picked Wei Li up at her hse cuz she was mandi-ing or whatever, Shahman DELIBERATELY tried to get me lost because they showed me another way back to Jusco. I mean SERIOUSLY ppl, right while pointing left? I know you don't get me but I was screeching all the way back. And someone took my parking space. MY parking space at the taxi stand beside Jusco. MINE I tell you! *that ass monkey idiot effer*

Then we had to park belakang which is sooo very the far away and as usual as we were walking I noticed that the......the fella *sputters* that took MY parking space just decided to go off at the particular moment. Dum dums, I swear these ppl are trying to get on my damn nerves. And this happened twice ok. It's blahdy irritating lah.

So we rushed in with the huge recipe book skali and went running in all directions looking for stuff. And by the Greatness of LORD, they don't hv sodium bicarbonate!! Would you ever believe that?! Jusco?! TOP-UP lah aiyoooh!

So we had to drop by 99 and luckily ada. Rushed back and sembahyang cuz it was maghrib and prayed that Wei Li and Shahman have yet to burn my kitchen into blazes.

They haven't.

Oh we stole some balloons from Jusco while we're at it.
It was pretty fun, the whole thing. The squishing (Me, with fingers :D), yelling (all of us), multiplying (Shahman), measuring (Wei Li), sitting looking dumb (Shahman), egging (Wei Li), tasting (ME), coughing, sneezing (Iman), battering (Me and my sis. Couldn't resist. It was SO good), baking (me), icing (Wei Li), decorating (all of us). We added peanut M&M's in the batter. And decorated the cake with it. Damn sedap lah I tell you. The cake looks colourful. And lovely.

The panicking.....(Shahman). Yeah well...he didn't know nuts bout baking. He thought the batter looked like diarrhoea-ed poo that smells like eggs and functions as a batter. Tsk.

the melting chocolating (Wei Li)....

The mixing (Shahman, me. We took turns cuz he was such a sissy at handling the mixer)...

The finished product! All smiles and happy happy, yeah yeah.

19 years old but still kebudak-budakan at heart.

By the time we finished everything to admire our work, the icing just started to DROOP dammit, so we had to freeze it for awhile. Shahman and Wei Li gagged at Iman play 'Phantom of The Opera' on the piano and the dude resolved to marry my sister. Which is wrong cuz I'm his mother.

It's complicated, the whole thing.

So I changed and by the time we got out of the house it was 10.30. We took the balloons and Wei Li held the cake in front so it's near the air-cond. Stopped by 7/11 to get a lighter cuz everyone in my house is too daft to need a lighter or matchbox for some unknown reason. Tsk.

Reached her hse at 11 cuz the ENGINE STOPPED right in the middle of a freaking bulatan! And Shahman laughed all the way cuz girls do make cars stopped yes, but only freaking manual cars and I must be something to be able to stop an AUTO car. Something must be wrong, yes yes I know but not for a nanosecond did it ever occur to me that the minyak habis.*DUH HANNAH, DUUUUH!!!* Some kinda driver I must be right. *snort*
So, compose yourself. I started the engine and thought everything should be ok already lah. Parked under some tree to hide and we huddled beside a bush to light up the candles. Called San out and YAY! We surprised her with the huge bunch oF yellow balloons and homemade chocolate M&M cake, singing the 'Happy Birthday to yooooooooooooooooooooou' song.

She one dungu, cut the cake beside the road there itself and we suaped her with it. HAHA.

We decided to go mamak and omg, it was one of the most memorable mamak I've ever had in my entire gorgeous life. I've never laughed so much. Ok, maybe not as much as the time in Berkeley Corner where San spat ice on my nose, which FREAKING HURTS btw. But funny. Mcm nak..apetuh..pecah perut. Lol.

But it was good. We crapped ourselves silly and I told Wei Li bout the train incident. She was bumused! No kidding, who wouldn't be! *stares directly at San and Shahman. These two asses*

Went back to San's hse to send the cake and then hantar-ed Shahman and Wei Li balik. And while we were...well, screeching, literally, to Maroon 5's 'Won't Go Home Without You', the car stopped. Again. But no Hannah, noo...the car couldn't possibly have ran out of minyak right, cuz ur just too damn PANDAI to know anything about mobiles right. I shouldn't hv been behind the wheel I tell you, it was just SO WRONG.

Shahman then showed us the way back with his motor (I felt like running over him I tell you. It was just an impulse sorta thing cuz he kept looking back and I kept yelling "HOT ASS!" out of my window). San came home with me and we lepak-ed till what, 2 or 3 in the morning. Till her sis pick her up.

Ho hum. It was all a very interesting night, with the car stopping in the middle of nowhere..the nonsensicals crap shyt during the mamak session...meeting Wei Li.....the baking hooohaa....the balloons (which got stolen by someone else in the end)..........LOL. We chatted crazy stuff when San was over and I was glad I could make her 19th birthday a memorable one.


SAN!!

Oh yeah, call us if you need any of our baking services :) *splutter splutter*

I'm not kidding.

Me Brotha.

Oh wait, I forgot. This is another one that I like.

Random dialogues overheard in my house.
things u can overhear in the suhaili household:
in the kitchen.
kakak: what r u doing?
arif: edible blue sugar.
scene: all taking a break from helping papa. he arrives home, hearing the creak of the gate...
me: *hushed voice* faster faster! act busy!
*all starts doing their jobs.....*
papa: Assalamualaikum.
iman: PAPA C! IM ACTING BUSY! *holding brown wrapping paper up*
scene: mama back from pasar.
mama: ni dah beli susu, full cream utk iman, low fat utk kakak-kakak.
all kakak- kakak gives 'LOOK'
scene:in the kitchen.
me: what r u doing?
arif: edible green sugar.
scene: in my room.
arif: nona (he calls me that) do u c anything different on my face? *puts his face up close to mine.
me: ur hair looks bigger than ever.
a: no! nona u so bad!
me: ur hidung looks more penyek.
a: no!
me: ur teeth is yellow.
a: *frustrated* no lar nona..!
me: *squints even harder*.......ur lips r green.
a: *laughs* yes!!
scene: in the kitchen, i walk in. looks at food colouring on the table.
arif: edible red sugar.
i walk off.
scene: in the showers.
me: AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I PUT DETTOL ON MY HAIR!!!!
scene: in the showers.
nafisah: *screams n shrieks like mad fella as if her life depended on it * DEAD COCKROACH!!HELP ME OUTTA HEEERREEE!!
scene: in kakak's room, reading.
kakak: hannah am i fat?
me: yeah, obese. *reads on without looking*
scene: all sisters in my room, doing...whatever they're doing.
arif comes in.
a: sister no.1, mama ask to mop the floor. sister no.2, sapu the lantai. n sister no.3, gantung baju. sister no.4, come down n eat!
all: U DO WHAT?!
sign outside mine n nafisah's room.
''PLZ KNOCK ON THE DOOR BEFORE COMING IN. F.Y.I, THIS IS A GIRLS ROOM!''
n we only hv one brother.
sign found outside arif's room, the next day.
''PLZ KNOCK THE DOOR BEFORE COMING IN.......N CLOSE THE DOOR AFTER COMING IN!''
scene: in the living hall, watching tv.
arif: u know nona i want to make a show like the art attack one.
me: then make lar.
arif: tsk, but the use the title already. so i'll use ''Fart Attack''.
scene: i asked arif to pinjam me something. he said ok. but i slept off early cuz of SPM so he placed that thing beside my mattress n told me to go back to sleep. next morning, i found that thing, wif a note on it. it read:
''flip the paper''
n i did. behind it,
''Good Luck (with a smiley face on the 'u') & all the best. go go chayo!
to nona.
did i ever tell u i love my brother? :)

Old Musings.

Morning peeps.

So I was going through 'My Uhtherr' blog, the one in Friendster. And browsed back to the really really old yesteryear posts. I particularly like the one entitled, 'Crushes. *Giggles*-*Pukes*-Smiles*'. :) It's cuz I wrote about my first crush ever and I when I read it, I found myself going, "No kidding? Awww.....So Scheeeewt...." I was actually giggling away!
Haha. No shit.

Anyway here are some of my 2 year old poems I published in the other blog ages ago.


My Pretty Butterfly..
A pretty massacre, you were...
Butterfly.
You made a frown into a smile.
Thee cried out loud for the nectar u want
I gave you the love, you shoo-ed me awain't.
But then you came back, dear butterly..
when you needed the love, you're satisfied.
what was I to you, masterpiece?
A piece of trash, that lost her virginity?
Or that idiot who lost her purest bit?
Did you hate me for that, hmm.. dear butterfly?
Loathed at the sight of me, whenever I come by?
River of love came pouring out,
I hated it, but I've got no one to let go.
Don't take it back, not worth it am I?
Ditch me in that pretty hibiscus, y don't you try?
Should I come back to you, should I decline,
that love you once gave me, once pure and blind.
like that sheet of paper in a spiraled glass,
unknown and confused to all that was in sight.
Contents unraveled, I, despair.
My heart crumbled, I, you didn't care.
Dear butterfly, why so lovely are you?
A picturesque view..you caught by me.
I fell for your beauty..you stung me,
with your beautiful sound, your flutter of wings.
Thee now shall not come again,
for I will shoo you away, till you cling to your life.
Your vengeance towards me was enough,
To prove my last bit of purity ..was left behind.

P.s: I think I wrote this ..somewhere at the end of Form four. Yeah. Kinda harsh, something must've happened that triggered me to write something like this.


The Past Is Far From the Present. I'm Not Made Of Steel.
Stop your tears from over-flowing
Don't, for once think of the past as the present.
Wipe those liquid crystals from your lashes
Don't feel the need to ever be loved.
-
Stooped so low, you'd think, how possible
To garner solace and to feel needed.
Flashbacks that goes snap snap snap
You'd shake your heard in utmost ignorance.
-
Didn't happen, no, was it just dreams?
Or is the ignorance of the past too real
Does it hurt that bad, does it knife your senses?
Do you really think it's worth half your attention?
-
Erase the heartbeat you have had for him
The throbbing pain of your consciousness shall fade away.
Doubt no more, my dear, for you will
Be the woman that heeds no pain.

P.s: Haaa..this one I remember. It's after a break-up with so and so. Obviously. Lol.


My Pride is My Greatest Weakness
My Pride and I, we're two in one
She's my best bud, my other half.
She saves my neck from petty accidents
But she's a real bitch when I'm getting comfortable.
Why do you say that? you say
She's stolen enough ppl from me, I say.
She's a bullshitting piece of junk when I'm happy
Hates sharing, she told me.
But I've got my own life, haven't I?
My Pride won't let me go, n sadly, so do I.
I need her but she's more than a rotten betrayer.
She makes use of herself in the most disgusting behaviour.
She loves putting herself up front,
She loves being my priority.
I try to let her loose,
But she fucking won't budge an inch.
She can be real nice at times you know,
especially when I need her most.
Like in awkward situations or when i feel a tad bit shy,
She puts her feet upfront and takes full charge.
I'm devoted to her for making me who I am now,
But I'm guessing she doesn't know her limits.
I've got to let my guard down once in a while,
I can't keep on kissing her polished feet.
I've hurt more than enough people
with she, being the third person.
I realise that (sigh), I'm not always the right one,
But She's worse than Cruella Devil in a pig sty.
Sometimes Pride and Ego works hand in hand
Which makes me turn out to be the ultimate bitch.
They love what they're doing, they adore their personal touch.
But I absolutely abhor their insidious tricks.
I guess for now it's up to Soul,
To take Pride away from her ultimate goal.
She'll always be with me, that's a certainess
But unfortunately, my Pride is my greatest Weakness.

P.s: Yang ni....quite a while ago. Also 2 years. Can't remember why I wrote this though.

My so-called writing skills pun dah karat now. So I shall just make do with whatever I've written back then.

I shall 'sharpen' it, well, maybe when something drastic happens. God'll will so happen-ly gimme a pair of magical hands and an even more ingenius brain to go with it. Then only I'll publish ah.*nods head, abrupt Jap style*

The Noose and MukaBuku.

HAHAH. I just read shak's review of The Noose which is currently this new tv show on Mediacorp. And I do agree to some extent.

It's honestly a pathetic attempt trying to amuse it's audience in a trying-too-hard-to-be slapstick 'original' blunt comedy kinda way. It's an original idea, no doubt bout that. No chetak rompak nonsence. The tv show might've just been clowns on fitballs and you'd get the same expression on your face after 5 mins though. I've seen it, yeah. Ridiculously, lamely hilarious but to some ppl it's beneath more than you can ever put anything underneath you. It also gives us the impression that Mediacorp's running out of ideas. Hmm..This looks like an emergency. Weirdly enough.*shrugs*







It's played by a few different characters played by the same ppl with funny different accents which can go horribly wrong like a cicak sounding like a donkey.



Haha. That'll be cute.





Anyway, here are the characters. I can only remember two of 'em.



The ever original Gurmit Singh. -I honestly wonder what Mediacorp's ever gonna do without him. Honestly.

Adriana Wow (The name says it all eh? *snorts*). A dumb red-head that shoots out from modelling school and ''they didn't teach me how to use a mic..".

and two more dungus that's more shameless than a troll without underwear on. *_*



It's the kinda of show that could irritate your socks off if you've had a bad day. Or it can serve as your personal E.T after you've had your few round off drinks after clubbing the whole night.



The Noose, is after The News at 10pm every Sundays.

A total morinic ironic descripency to the news industry. The serious one.



Btw, I do laugh at The Noose sometimes. Just the parts when it's naturally funny and not dibuat-buat. Like they say, 'tau takpe..'



Currently reading book from Christopher 'baru' (New), The Chinese Box but you know what, if you've already read it then plz plz plz tell me how the ending goes. It has, by any content at all, yet to interest me. Or maybe I'm just in a mood for a good chick flick or something. Like Sophie Kinsella's, although she's way too over-rated and I didn't like the Shopaholics series much anyway. Preferred The Undomestic Goddess. But give me Jane Green anytime. She so very the rocks man!!



I haven't had a good gossip novel in CENTURIES.



Or give me Sidney Sheldon. Only one of his books hv failed me so far. 'The Stars Shine Down'. Not good....not good...*shakes head* But the rest aren't short of Fabfckinglous.



Anyway Facebook is a RIOT. 100% riot I tell yuh. You can add applications and all yeah, and some of 'em are reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally too 'outofthisworld' for words, I was too boring a person to accept the invitations. Over 200 applications. I'm gonna start ignoring them one by one And this is probably why:-





1. Are you a great lover?

'So and So wants to know how great a lover you are! Answer nine short questions and find out instantly - it's that easy'



-hmm...I shouldn't think so. I've never really been good at it. I've been known to be

a) too sensitive

b) intimidating

c) make my partner feel inferior -same thing lah

d) bite- not meaning Literally. dum dums.

e) impatient

f) too good for them (hahah. I LIKE this one :D)

g) unreasonable



all in all they just can't STAND me lah.



2)Secret Admirer- Crush on ME!(PERFECT MATCH!)

'Some one CRUSHED you. One of Your Friends Might Have a Crush on You! Find out who CRUSHed you? Send a Return Gift, Kiss to the Anonymous CRUSH FIND WHO has a CRUSH on you NOW? '



-someone has 'Crushed' me?!*squeals!* Oh my, how exciting! .........................................................Whatever does that mean?



3) What blood type are you?

'So and So is taking a Blood Type test to determine blood type and love match with friends. Would you like to take one too at What Blood Type Are You?? Warning: Mismatch in blood types can result in serious physical condition and emotional dysfunction! :=)'



-I mean, honestlee... serious physical condition and emotional dysfunction? I'd eat my taugehs!





4)You're sooooo Good Looking

'I think You're Sooo Good Looking! Click here to see your ranking! And don't forget to vote for your good looking friends!'



-I know this already, thanks.



5)Flirtable. Uncountable requests.

'So and So thinks you should be flirting. Join Flirtable to meet cool people across Facebook and share private messages and gifts!'



-Eh? I tak main all this flirt-flirt on computer yew. Ish. I original tau. *Flips hair*



Ignore Ignore Ignore Ignore.Hmm...anything interesting to mock here...



6) How lazy are you?

'Blah bla bla wants to know how lazy you are! Answer eight short questions and find out instantly - it's that easy!.



- *_*



7)Flirty or Hard-To- Get?

'Bla voted you HARD-TO-GET. Are your friends Flirty or Hard-to-get? '



-A dozens hard-to-gets and one flirty. No SHIT. Guess from who.



Ohmeegoodness. A dozen ppl want to 'hug' me.

Hm. You shouldn't hug strangers. Ignore ignore ignore. I know I'm huggable but yeah, it's not nice you know. Next



8)What Fruit are you?

'Bloa bloa bloa Find out what fruit you are! Answer nine short questions and find out instantly - it's that easy!



-Why would anyone want to know?Seriously seriously? go.....flirt or something.



9)What type of person do you attract?

'Yak yak yak wants to know what type of people you attract! Answer the short questions to find out instantly!'



-You know, I'm beginning to think Facebook's more than just a mere social roundup of friends thing.

I doubt I'm able to attract any of my 3B'S, big, bald and beautiful men, online.



10)Kamasutra IQ

'mm hmm wants to know what is your Kamasutra IQ ! Answer eight short questions and find out instantly - it's that easy!'



-Eh, jgn buat malu onlaaain laa..



Pillow Fights, HoboWars, Zombies, Vampires, Slayers, Werewolves, You're Naughty, What kind of Kisser Are You?, Defence on the Ancients (no, seriously), Predict You Future, What Disney Princess Are You?, Are YOU Interested?, and a whole lotta nuts which makes your page longer that Bush's nose. Nak scroll bawah pun Ya Allah, punyela mengambil masa yang begitu lama!



I used to hv the vampires application (I was a Rockstar Vampire) and werewolves and what not..........and I just naturally suck at it. I can't fight. The application agrees with me on this. I was a Pancit Vampire more than anything.



Give me an argument. I'm better verbally.



I should start writing poems again. Problem is, they turn out to be jiwang. Cuz I always write when I'm a in jiwangfied mode. Only a few handfuls of funny wunny ones. And they're not even damned good. TSK.



Anyway nightey ppl.

I dah penat yeeew.